Breather

High CPU utilization and out of memory!?! There are too many things on my mind that like a computer, it just seems to hang sometimes. I’m leaving for Singapore on the 20th and there’s still a lot to organize – my company car loan, my resignation clearance, my luggage, my finances, my despedida meeting with friends, etc. etc. etc. There’s no enough space for my to do’s, but there sure is space for some anxiety and of course, sadness. In fact, I actually feel like my processor has allotted a lot of memory for those two things. I’m going to miss home. I guess from here on, I just need to constantly remind myself why I am doing this. Everything’s gonna be alright. This is a blessing. This isn’t a curse. And I know that the BIG MAN up there will give me the strength to make things happen. We’re in this together, totally in this together.

Read more...

Appreciating the People Around Me

Her personally-prepared hot coffee with pandesal placed beside my bed always help me start the day right. I am 26 years old and she still does that (among countless other thoughtful things) for me. I know I am not the best daughter one parent can have. That’s why I feel really blessed because despite my imperfections, I am being unconditionally loved by the best mother in the whole world –- my Nanay.

Nanay can’t do it all considering that she also has a lot of things lined-up for the day. Our Adela helps her with some things like preparing my packed lunch everyday. Adela has been with us for almost five years now and she’s leaving us soon. Mixed emotions. Sad because she won’t be with us anymore. Happy because it’s a very good move for her. She has decided to go home and continue schooling.

I’ve been dragging my self to work lately. The humidity and the heavy traffic to and from the office have been making me feel really stressed-out. His words of encouragement and companionship have been helping me hang-in there. Being the positive person that he is, Erwin’s optimistic attitude rubs-off on me. He completely “gets” me and my lately becoming constant bickering about work. I guess it’s really a plus that we’re both in IT.

In the office, I am revitalized by being around teammates who are proving to be very fun to be with. Special mention to Jo-an and Jeremy who are seated right beside me. Our short but frequent bashing sessions make the workplace less toxic and a lot more enjoyable. I have to admit I was a little anxious about fitting-in after being assigned onshore, but my new team (Enterprise Search Team) and the team (Accenture Research Team) that I left before have been nothing but warm ever since I came back.

I always look forward to coming home to my nephew’s excited, huge and welcoming smile -- a real energy-booster. Although he can be too much to handle at times (quite a tough job for my sister Jing), five year old Gio has been bringing a lot of cheers to the family. He’s a real blessing, a bundle of joy and a lot more.

I am guilty of not being that appreciative lately. I feel like my focus has been on the things that have been wearing me out. The world is indeed not perfect, but surprise, surprise… It isn’t totally full of imperfections as well! I guess it’s really just a matter of perspective. Right now, I am just plain thankful that I have been blessed with a lot of good people in my life.

Read more...

Serenity, Courage and Wisdom

This prayer has always helped me in the past --

I hope it still works for me now.

Read more...

Finding that Balance

Here’s how a typical week goes for me –-

MONDAY - FRIDAY
· 6am – 12am – prepare for work >> go to work >> work, work, work >> go home from work
· 12am - 6am – sleep

SATURDAY
· 6am – 10am – extra (catch-up) sleep
· 10am – 4pm – watch TV, surf the net, and/or read something
· 4pm – 12am – malling (Time Zone, dinner, coffee, and/or movie)

SUNDAY
· 12am – 1am – watch TV
· 1am – 10am – sleep
· 10am – 11pm – stay at home (watch TV, surf the net, and/or read something)
· 11pm – 6am – sleep

So, do I still have that “work-life balance” that I’ve always wanted to keep? Well, looking at my schedule –- I think my weekends are fine, but my weekdays, obviously, need some work!

I really want “balance,” but sometimes, I just forget about it. I can’t say I don’t have control over things. That would just be an excuse. And I would know. Because I know that -- Yes, there are things that we can’t control like (1) how the sun rises in the morning and (2) how it goes down during the night. Those two things I can’t control, but what I do between those two events, I’m totally in control of.

You know how writing makes you help absorb things? It’s kind of similar to how creating “digests” helps law students remember the key points of a certain case. So, that’s what I’m doing now –- writing about the things that I should keep in mind to make sure that I get to keep that quite elusive “work-life balance.”

1. From the words of my current manager – “Yes, the company can be very demanding, but you don’t need to meet all of its demands.” With that, I guess, it’s okay to say “no” when you really feel that the water’s up to the neck already. You don’t want to drown, don’t you? Worried about getting a low performance rating? Okay, consistently getting an A+ rating is important. It can fast track your career. But somehow, someday, you’re going to feel tired and because you’re tired, you won’t enjoy work… And because you’re not enjoying work, you lose eight hours (or more) of happiness everyday. And because you’re not happy almost all the time, you quit your job. And when you quit your job, you don’t get to enjoy your exaggeratingly-hard-earned A+ rating and fast tracked career. The keyword here is “PHASING” (not “slacking” huh!).
   
   
2. From the words of another manager – “Know the difference between working hard and working smart.” Working hard is important, but it is not as important as working smart. I think this is pretty self-explanatory. You can get things done by working hard, but you can get the same things done in a significantly lesser amount of time IF you work smart.
   
   
3. Remember that there’s more to life than just work or career. “Successful” will never be one and the same as “happy.” So? Enjoy your lunch break (stop thinking about work for an hour), take a breather, value your health (make it non-negotiable), spend time (enough time) with your loved ones, have a quick chat with an officemate (he/she might just need a breather too), focus when you need to focus, work hard… no, work smart, and play hard… really play hard.
   

Words of wisdom from the more experienced people at work really come in handy all the time. Most managers in the company have already spent more than six years of their life working. They should know. By the way, that last item was from the words of “myself.” See? I know what I need to do. Most of the time, most people know what to do. In my case, I think I just need to be reminded every once in a while. So, note to self –- live a balanced life!

Read more...

His Bucket List

I very seldom get affected by the movies I watch, but The Bucket List hit me quite hard. The movie was all about Edward Cole’s (Jack Nicholson) and Carter Chambers’ (Morgan Freeman) journey after learning that they were both terminally ill and have only a few months to live. It was all about how two dying men made their remaining days worth the while by accomplishing their bucket list, a checklist of all the things that they want to experience before they “hit the bucket.”

The movie made me think not of my bucket list, but that of my Tatay’s, most probably, greatest wish. I remember when Jing (my sister) and I were little, he would stroke our hair and he’d say –- I hope I would live long enough to see my kids’ children. Of course, our young minds were not sensitive to that kind of comment. But now, I can’t speak for Jing, but me… I get teary eyed every time that memory, that “line,” crosses my mind. It’s sad that a wish of someone really dear to me didn’t quite come true, but I guess life is about faith... And I can only trust that the Big Man up there would have a majestic, inexplicable way of making sure that my Tatay don’t get real disappointed. :)

Read more...